Souper easy

Note:

If preparing Campbell's soup is beneath you, skipping this post is recommended.

Despite my four-month career in cookbook publishing, I'm still known in this household as The Convenience Food Queen, and live up to the title. I recently dreamed up a Campbell's Combo that's similar to O'Charley's Stuffed Potato Soup ... maybe even better, since diners can't count on O'Charley's being the same from day to day.

My version calls for two cans of Chunky Baked Potato with Cheddar and Bacon Bits to one can condensed Cheddar Cheese. The result is kinda thick, so add milk to taste. The secret to combining the soups is revealed in my first-ever cooking demonstration video:

Move over, Rachael Ray!

I typically cook a few strips of bacon til crispy in the microwave to get the kitchen smelling like I've "cooked something", then diners can crumble a little into their bowls. Since the Chunky soup is so bacon-flavored, this is more for crunch than taste.

Make enough for everyone to have seconds ... which they'll immediately regret, since this stuff sets heavy on the belly.

Redneck entertainment at its finest

A new twist on the current June bug genocide:

Finishing off injured beetles by running over them with a Micro-Mini Ford truck. (I prefer to think of it as putting them out of their misery.)

If only I owned a digital camera that allowed more than 15 seconds of video footage, this could be worthy of CMT's Country Fried Home Videos:

Watch an action demo: During this short BKF film clip, at least two insects are swatted by this innovative device. That comes to over 200 kills per hour — an admirable record.

Someone tell them it's July

Crisis du Jour:

The heaviest onslaught of June bugs this household's ever seen

Thanks to the one-of-a-kind, custom made Bug Killer Fan installed over my front porch, I awoke this morning to a collection of several hundred dead and dying June bugs lying underneath it. I hope the extra sweeping chore is rewarded by stepping outdoors after dark tonight without being pelted by a swarm of the icky critters.

All this from a six-foot-square area

Bad news / Good news:

• June bugs taste bad: Even toads that try to eat them end up spitting them right back out.
• Poor marketability: Although one website suggested roasting and grinding them into a medicinal bug soup, I suspect Carla's Organic June Bug Farm would be more trouble than it's worth due to high employee turnover.
• The good news: Now I know what all those disgusting worms are that I keep digging up when I weed the flowerbeds.
• More good news: There's no patent on the bug-killing gizmo, so feel free to copycat this design. And who knows, it might even end up being the best-selling As Seen On TV product of all time.

Complete with smeared guts and imbedded insect carcasses
Click on the image for an action demo

Hint: The secret of the BKF lies in its bug-attracting lights (standard bulbs) and its two-dozen-per-blade swatters. For maximum kills, set to High.

My cat snores

And she's evidently having a dream.

She doesn't snore all that loudly, so I recommend turning the volume way up for this:

Before you ask:

No, she's not pregnant, she's just fat.