CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla

Fertilizer Mixer Extraordinaire

2011-05-28T09:00:00.011-06:00

I'll have one Oddball Combo please

2010-08-14T09:00:00.010-06:00

After a busy afternoon out, Maggie and I visited McDonald's drive thru for a snack – fries for her and a fruit smoothie for me. Testing to see how she'd like my treat, I poured some in a tiny bowl, then handed her a spoon and encouraged her to try it.

She liked it alright – as a ketchup substitute for her fries.

Esplanade!

2010-07-21T09:00:00.023-06:00

I've come to the conclusion that the most beautiful sights to see are not in the art galleries, they are all around. Just open your eyes.
Paul Taylor · American choreographer

With more than ten dance companies to choose from, Angie and I trusted Aunt Patsy to decide which performance we would attend – and she chose wisely! We were treated to several Paul Taylor programs choreographed over the last forty years. My favorite of these was also set to music by another of my favorites, Johann Sebastian Bach. Taylor has been hailed as "the greatest living American choreographer" – and it's therefore so naturally perfect for his work to be accompanied by greatest composer of all time.

Here's a 26-second glimpse at Esplanade:

And for those of you who want to watch every step from beginning to end:

· Paul Taylor's Esplanade · 1 of 5
· Paul Taylor's Esplanade · 2 of 5
· Paul Taylor's Esplanade · 3 of 5
· Paul Taylor's Esplanade · 4 of 5
· Paul Taylor's Esplanade · 5 of 5

Dude ... this is outtasight

2010-07-20T09:00:00.010-06:00

After arriving in Durham for the evening's American Dance Festival performance, Aunt Patsy treated my sister and I to a mini-tour of the area before dinner. Take a ride with us under Graffiti Bridge, which connects Duke University's West and East campuses. Built in the 19th century, this bridge is a piece of Durham history as well as urban art.

Although I assumed the entry was marked with an Internet acronym, Ell-Oh-Ell-age — Angie can be heard suggesting that it can also be read as simply Lollege.

As we emerged from the other side, we encountered an unusual school bus – also covered with graffiti. In my excitement to include it with the bridge video, I ended up cutting the video off (easy mistake, it's a new camera!). Upon uploading my video to YouTube, though, I discovered that we had seen one of two ADF buses that dance students ride to and from their classes and performances. What a treat to see this, and then to come home and learn this bit of ADF trivia!

MEM to RDU

2010-07-19T09:00:00.011-06:00

Recently spent several days in North Carolina with my aunt and sister. A whirlwind of catching up, sightseeing, gourmet meals and just enjoying each other's company. Angie and I timed our visit with Durham's annual American Dance Festival. Since Aunt Patsy attends this each year, we trusted her to choose which performance to see – and weren't disappointed. The weekend's highlights:

Visited Duke University Chapel, the church that Big Tobacco built, where a wedding rehearsal was underway. Since this historic chapel is a regular tourist attraction, this event didn't prevent going inside to ooh and aah at its marvelous architecture.
Upon leaving Duke's campus, Aunt Patsy shared the story of Graffiti Bridge as we passed under it.

Photo Credit: Liz Fabry
Met friends at a fancy Greek restaurant that served exotic dishes like Tourkolimano Meltsanosalata, Tempura Scordalia, and others I can't pronounce. I wasn't adventurous enough to try the octopus.

Photo Credit: Lunch Menu

Spent an hour at Aunt Patsy's nail salon for the most amazing salon pedicure ever! My photos don't adequately reveal the nail tech's artistry, but I suspected she got her start painting grains of rice.

Spent a rainy afternoon indoors playing Clue. Even after several games, I never got the opportunity to do my special Gloating Winner Victory Dance.

And the weekend's main event, an evening American Dance Festival show at Durham Performing Arts Center, where we watched several outstanding performances by Paul Taylor Dance Company —

See Esplanade!

I went to Graceland yall!

2010-05-14T09:00:00.014-06:00

My parents drove up to visit my family this week — and during their stay my mother had a sensational idea ...

I'm going to Graceland yall!

Elvis Presley's Graceland

Despite residing in the Memphis area since the early 1980's, I've never driven over to Graceland to see what all the fuss is about. It was a first for all three of us. Although I was expecting gaudy and kitschy, it was anything but. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised at how tasteful and inviting Graceland was, and also impressed with Elvis Presley's talent and generosity.

I also have new respect for Elvis Presley Enterprises. With lots of tourists in Memphis for the weekend's World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest, things were already busy when we arrived shortly after 9am. Graceland staff are crowd control masters, and always gracious despite the sticky Mid-South heat. This doesn't mean that I'll return during Elvis Week in August.

The three remaining stubs indicate the attractions we skipped

My feet called it a day after touring the mansion, memorabilia, car museum and airplanes, although our tickets allowed entry to several other Graceland attractions. I opted against bringing my bulky old-fashioned camera along, but postcards and refrigerator magnets were available for sale in all four of the souvenir shops I visited. And with our Photographer Extraordinaire along, we didn't even bother posing for the standard Graceland customer portrait. See Mother's photos on flickr:

LIVING... MAEDEANS STYLE
Elvis and Graceland

My trip down Memory Lane ...
During today's museum tour I learned that the 1993 Elvis Presley commemorative postage stamp remains the most highly publicized and biggest selling stamp of all time. I was one of several thousand visitors that day to the two area post offices doing First Day Cancellations – yes, I went to both. It was the social event of the season!
Hard to believe but true: Not wanting me to venture into Whitehaven in the middle of the night, Tim even went to Graceland at midnight and purchased a dozen or so I Was There limited editions. I had forgotten all about that until yesterday's visit!
click on the image to learn more

HMD to meeeeeee

2010-05-10T09:00:00.000-06:00

The best things in life aren't things.
Art Buchwald · 1925-2007

Thanks honey ☺
I love you too!

Several years ago I made a rule that my kids aren't allowed to spend money on Mothers Day gifts. Since I like to shower my own parents with presents, I recognize my contradictory example to "do as I say, not as I do". Still, I hoped to liberate my own from the Hallmark Holiday pressure to go out and buy me something. To that end, Sarah deserves credit for honoring her Mother by honoring my wishes.

Neal, on the other hand, forgot about the rule and presented me with a purrfect gift: A new mousepad to replace the unsightly hand-me-down I've used for years. And since my new computer came with one of those oddball keyboards, he shelled out even more money for a fancy ergonomic one. Blogging's gonna be a breeze now!

Covered with cat hair?
No sweat!

Looked even worse before I scrubbed it

And although my rule wasn't intended to demand time consuming chores or gifts from the heart —

Lori and Maggie did both!

Sample of sampler

Click on the image above to see Lori's completed project

Baked with love

2010-04-18T11:00:00.004-06:00

Fixing this morning's breakfast revealed an unexpected culinary anomaly:

Pillsbury with payout potential?

Okay, so this tiny heart doesn't carry the religious significance of the Virgin Mary pretzel or Jesus Cheetos that occasionally make headline news. But since divine cuisine has become almost commonplace, I began to wonder if this secular biscuit might be considered rare and valuable among ebay bidders.

Realizing that a hunk of raw dough wouldn't ship as well as a baked item, I slid the cookie sheet into the oven and began imagining how I would spend my sudden windfall — then realized my mistake 20 minutes later.

No matter how good my intentions had been, the baked-til-golden-brown version appeared to be nothing more than a flaky biscuit.

You don't need to understand Japanese to realize the worldwide appeal of the item shown in this video:

Ready to dig its roots in

2010-04-15T09:00:00.013-06:00

Gardener's Blessing
Ralph Emerson Purkhiser
May God grant thee enough sun to warm the earth,
Enough rain to make things grow,
A good strong back, a wide brimmed hat,
And a good sharp goose-neck hoe,
Strength for a day of toil
And some quiet evening hours,
With a sip of tea, and a gentle breeze,
And may all your weeds be wildflowers.

Three months ago when I bragged about my inherited hydrangea, I could hardly wait for planting season to arrive — then when it did, I grew nervous and began to drag my feet.

North side of the house?
Not enough direct sunlight.
South side then?
No way, it would block the forsythia.
Back flowerbed?
In the only suitable spot for Grandmother's hosta?
Okay then, somewhere out in the yard?
Just another obstacle to mow around.
How in the world will I get it out of this big planter?
This dilemma eventually took care of itself when the rotten wood began to fall off, making the rest easy to remove.
But what if it becomes fungussy and diseased?
Hates living here and refuses to bloom?
Or just shrivels up and dies?
You'll never know at this rate, will you?

Finally settled on a location, dug a big hole, pushed it in. Even remembered to use root stimulator.

And look what I found hiding under several years of dust in the garage —

An old fashioned hydrangea's best friend!

Lesson (re)learned

2010-03-30T09:00:00.006-06:00

Q:
How many fruit fly eggs come with an 18 lb. bag of fruit?
A:
Doesn't matter, since a well-prepared homemaker prevents the eggs from hatching by washing fresh produce when it's brought indoors.
And one day I hope to remember this lesson.

It begins innocently enough ...

There I am, casually pushing a shopping cart through the produce aisles when it finds me — mmmmm the sweet aroma of Texas Ruby Red grapefruit! And for the thrifty price of those great big bags, who could resist?

A lovely drive home ...
No way do I put the fruit in the trunk, or even the back seat. I drive home surrounded by its scent.

Looky what I got!
The family's tickled to see the unexpected treat. Quick as we can haul the groceries indoors and stuff everything into the pantry, we grab a few knives, slice those suckers up and dig in!

Impaired judgement, poor decisions, regrets ...
Perhaps a belly full of fresh citrus is like that third glass of champagne you should've politely refused at your boss's wedding reception. I begin to realize that confining the remaining 15 pounds to the fridge would be foolish. Last time I tried that, we forgot we even had grapefruit and they all spoiled. The crisper bin isn't big enough to hold them all anyway. Besides, no Glade Plug-In can match the fragrance of a basket full of Ruby Reds on my kitchen counter. And of course I forget to wash them.

But I do eventually remember ...
Despite enjoying the grapefruit for breakfasts and betweeen-meal snacks, pushing them on guests and sharing with neighbors, I realize too late that I've repeated a tiresome mistake — but only after a gazillion fruit flies hatch and swarm throughout the house, where I suspect they continue to breed for several generations. I'm also reminded why I typically purchase ready-to-eat grapefruit slices in jars marked Del Monte.

Saving the fruit to dispose of the rinds —
but too late to kill off these annoying pests

Unwelcome reminder of the past

2010-01-29T09:00:00.005-07:00

Crisis du jour:
Sewage backup!

I don't know what the average septic tank life is, but the one buried in my back yard has efficiently collected my household's wastewater for nearly 18 years with only occasional Rid-X® treatments. So when it recently began showing signs of age and wear, I wasn't all that surprised — but I was certainly disgusted by the filthy water that was seeping back into my tub and shower.

When the ignore-it-and-it'll-go-away approach stopped working after a couple weeks, a local sump pump service promptly drove out and did its duty. What a relief to put this unpleasant matter behind me!

Hoytie Toytie

2010-01-21T09:00:00.007-07:00

Presenting ...

Miss Hoyte Bounds

circa 1912

This adorable baby girl eventually became my grandmother — and lots more.

The school librarian who handed down the district's unwanted Dick-and-Janes from which I learned to read
The farmer's wife who could out-shuck, out-can, out-freeze and out-cook any other
A green thumb extraordinaire who lovingly created and tended Tippah County's most glorious daylily garden
An outstanding seamstress that kept my kids' closets packed with everything from heirloom garments to playclothes
The dedicated quilter who lovingly handstitched dozens of patchwork quilts for her family, along with countless gifts for St. Jude patients with fellow members of her local quilting guild

My daddy even published his mother's Cornbread Dressing recipe in his first cookbook, Wendell's Favorites. Takes several days to fix properly, and every bite's worth all the work! Click on the image below to discover its location on the World Wide Web:

Power breakfast

2010-01-18T09:00:00.004-07:00

The most important meal of the day in my household oftentimes includes scrambled eggs. One morning during a recent visit, Uncle Hugh honored this dish's distinctive mixing technique with an official name:

The trick to perfect Eggs Dewalt is choosing a reliable power drill. And since they're not limited to plain scrambled, this morning I added cheese and sausage to create the perfect omelet.

Note: A pliable plastic bowl is recommended, since the vigorous mixing may damage glass or hard plastic.

After discovering that I'd used about half as much salt as needed, I decided my perfect omelet wasn't fit for human consumption and offered it to other hungry mouths to appreciate:

And real men do eat quiche after all ...
Even the sissiest egg casserole can be made suitable for Real Man consumption by scooping a generous helping into a large flour tortilla, adding picante sauce (the more the manlier), then rolling up into a breakfast burrito.

My own piece of hydrangea heaven

2010-01-15T09:00:00.048-07:00

In 1975, I was given a gift of a blue hydrangea. It was love at first sight. As I explored the genus, my passion grew. A few years later, I learned I was not alone; many gardeners share my addiction. By 1994, I was convinced that the world's perfect shrub deserved a plant society to celebrate and explore its versatility.
Penny McHenry · 1925-2006
Founder of the American Hydrangea Society

It is with deep respect and humility that I report my recent inheritance of an adolescent hydrangea shrub. It belonged to my mother-in-law, who has tended it carefully for at least a decade.

Nevermind all that overgrown Bermuda grass. The summer blooms that grow on this plant are stunning!

I'll admit that this isn't my first hydrangea. I've purchased several small ones over the past 20 years, but promptly killed them.

And from what I've been told, I ended up with this precious hand-me-down ... because no one else wanted it?

Enough is enough!

2010-01-04T09:00:00.085-07:00

Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide.
Cicero · 106 BC - 43 BC

I've already begun Spring Cleaning, but not by choice. Instead, the pantry got cleaned up after I accidentally turned a Family Size box of cereal upside down and spilled its contents on the three lower shelves.

After emptying, sweeping, vacuuming and wiping, I faced the task of deciding how to fit all that stuff back in — until I began to realize that much of it was better suited to the local food pantry than my own.

The overabundance of food was baffling. Specialty items purchased for recipes that were never made, stuff that no one in this household would dream of eating, and so many multiples you'd think we've been preparing for a global famine. The examples pictured here are a small taste of how many un-necessities we've been stockpiling.

And the most ridiculous discovery of the day:

Since I try to learn from my mistakes, I'm gonna go reorganize my pantry so that full cereal boxes are no longer placed on the top shelf. For more ideas, here's a good one to start with from the heart of Texas.

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

2009-12-27T09:00:00.014-07:00

Of all the nerve! A less fashion-concious member of this household recently suggested that my Christmas footwear looks goofy. Okay so it's different, but there's always the chance I'm starting a new trend.

While I sit down to watch my favorite classic holiday film, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, I'll leave this laying around for you to amuse yourself with.
Another Christmas season bites the dust
Erma Bombeck · 1986

On my way — to where the air is sweeeeeet

2009-11-30T10:00:00.032-07:00

Most weekday mornings at 9 am, I turn on Sesame Street for Maggie to enjoy its catchy theme song, after which she sits on her own little stool and watches for as long as the average magnificantly brilliant one-year-old can stand (ten minutes or less). It's charming to see its guest stars in classic Sesame Street segments. Today's episode featured environment as its Word On The Street, with Jimmy Fallon giving an outstanding performance as Wild Nature Survivor Guy.

More Sesame Street guest spots worth sharing:

Watch your step around here

2009-11-25T09:00:00.017-07:00

Crisis du jour:
Someone's been outside eating grass again.

Let's face it, there will always be those times when the drive to quickly eliminate a distraction will override my otherwise mindful approach to the situation at hand. Last night was one of those times. During Dancing With The Stars Season 9 finale, I thoughtlessly made a dash across the kitchen's tile floor to free a meowing cat that had gotten stuck in the garage. Before making it to the door, I slipped in cat vomit and fell to the floor, twisting my left knee — the same one that was operated on early last Summer. Then to add insult to injury, I was admonished for trying to one-up Kelly Osborne's bold freestyle fall fwd to 3:15. Call me stubborn, but this knee better get better, because no way will I have surgery on it again. Between last Spring's broken hand and this slow-to-heal knee, I've learned that prevention is key.

Speaking of DWTS, Donny Osmond and his curvaceous partner Kim Johnson were crowned the new champions shortly after my fall. I recognized Osmond's chance of winning first place after watching how well he compared to his professional teammates during Week 7's Team Tango:

Unsuccessful, but not fruitless

2009-10-10T09:00:00.020-06:00

Seek truth in all things — even when the truth hurts.
— Me

Despite good intentions last June for my first watermelon patch, this growth-stunted specimen is its lone survivor. Looking back, I can't help but wonder what inspired me to brag about the spot I'd chosen for planting, which is poorly drained and doesn't receive enough sunlight for growing fruit.

Although the melon grew only slightly larger than a canteloupe, I sliced it open and discovered it was juicy, sweet and oh-so-tasty.

Clutterbugs

2009-09-04T09:00:00.009-06:00

Why MegaBloks are scattered all over the family room:

Psssst it's not Maggie's fault

Ghost of Fathers Day Past

2009-06-21T09:00:00.003-06:00

A greeting from the heart:

Whirlwind afternoon

2009-06-13T09:00:00.042-06:00

Crisis du jour:
In the path of a tornado!

No warning siren, and boy was it fast! One minute the Bradford Pear tree was there, then when I looked again it was in pieces on the ground. Very little structure damage in our neighborhood, but the place is a mess of broken trees, some torn up by the roots.

Thankfully, my brave little ginkgo is standing strong and healthier than ever. It's barely taller than me now, and at ginkgo speed may even reach six feet in several years.

Maggie's first tornado

Tags: · "Olive Branch" · "Mississippi" · "tornado" · "Olive Branch tornado"

Here kitty·kitty·kitty

2009-06-11T09:00:00.054-06:00

You know those jokes about the little old lady who has ten cats? Well, there's ten cats around here and I'm evidently that lady. Thankfully, we're only fostering Mama's five kittens, most of which are expected to adopt out to permanent homes. My 16-year-old cat — who hates all other felines — is adjusting to life with Lori's three younger cats, two of which are part-Bengal. Her other cat is the strong, silent type who knows how to throw his weight around but wouldn't dream of actually harming anyone.

Otep's favorite spot
atop the fridge

Mojo's found the softest
blanket in the house

Brother is the self-appointed Keeper Of The Stairs

Good thing I'm a Cat Person, ain't it?

Plan B

2009-06-09T09:00:00.035-06:00

Of all the wonderful things in the wonderful universe of God, nothing seems to me more surprising than the planting of a seed in the blank earth and the result thereof.
Julie Moir Messervy

Last summer's edible tomato has encouraged me to grow another tasty treat this season. Before I broke my hand, I'd expected to try tomatoes again. The upside-down planter, though, is a "get dirty" contraption that my cast prevented me from using. Instead, I started off a dozen or so watermelon seeds in a starter tray, then transplanted the five surviving seedlings to a front spot on the west side of the house, where they'll get lots of hot afternoon sun. I hope they're as good as the seed package looked.

And four months later:

CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla · 10/10/2009
Unsuccessful, but not fruitless

Clown face

2009-06-08T21:00:00.006-06:00

Maggie's first Koolaid mustache:

Day Dream

2009-06-06T21:00:00.029-06:00

Never take Ecstasy, beer, Bacardi, weed, Pepto Bismol, Vivarin, Tums, Tagamet HB, Xanax, and Valium in the same day. It makes it difficult to sleep at night.
Eminem

Another narcotic-induced dream

Okay, so there we were flying down the street, minding our own business, when we came upon a group of Men At Work repairing a leak in a roadside creek. The leak had created all sorts of problems with the purity of the water, so that if the Men At Work came in contact with it something terrible would happen to them. Not immediately, but over time, like they would eventually get a disfiguring and painful skin disease. In spite of this danger, getting into the water to repair the creek was the only way to properly fix it, so two men were up to their chests in it. Since they were both considered unimportant to Society though, their safety was sacrificed for the comfort of more important people.

Nevertheless, we ended up flying through the next creek that we came to. This was a foolish and unnecessary risk, but I wasn't given a choice in the matter. Naturally, I hoped the water in the second creek hadn't been infected with Impure Water Disease. And wouldn't you know it, the one time that my feet touched the muddy creek bed, they each fell on broken glass! Although I couldn't see the glass through the dark water, I could tell that it was thick amber glass from a carelessly discarded beer bottle.

Once back on dry land, I realized that the soles of my feet had matching lacerations, but not much bleeding. I treated them both with rubbing alcohol to help avoid infection and speed healing, but was unsure if I'd be able to at least hobble around or be unable to walk at all.

As soon as my fractured hand healed, I ended up injuring my knee while carrying an armful of kittens around the yard. Last week's surgery to repair a torn meniscus left me with two small incisions on either side of my knee and a promise from the orthopedic surgeon that I'll develop arthritis in that joint one day. Yay meeeeeee!

Sitting pretty

2009-05-27T21:00:00.023-06:00

Funner than a new toy

All this food consumption means that Maggie's quickly outgrowing her things, and she's ready to graduate to a larger car seat. After comparison shopping, Lori ended up purchasing the least expensive seat available. She wisely chose one that will grow with Maggie, and eventually morph into a booster seat. It even has its own cup holder!

Maggie has evidently learned that anything pink with flowers belongs to her, and she's getting used to it indoors before taking it out for its first ride.

Lori's purchase inspired me to buy one for my own car, the same model but in Basic Blah Black to match my upholstery.
I also invested ten bucks in a big stuffed frog to sit beside me in the passenger seat when Maggie and I are out and about, which prevents her forgetful Gramma Tea from leaving her behind in the back seat.

Smackaroni Night

2009-05-23T21:00:00.014-06:00

No matter what's on the menu, Maggie prefers to dig in and feed herself. What some might label as messy, I prefer to call independent:

A trick learned from my mother:
When preparing macaroni and cheese, add a drop or two of yellow mustard before adding the cheese. It gives just the right touch of flavor.

oops

2009-05-16T09:00:00.023-06:00

Okay, I got sick and tired of wearing this cast. And even though my orthopedic surgeon instructed me to wear it for six weeks until the end of May, I felt as though I'd already had it attached to my arm for six months. So I second guessed him and counted the weeks since surgery on my Palm Pilot and discovered that the surgeon was wrong, I was only three days short of six weeks since my surgery date!

Co-pay after co-pay after co-pay had encouraged me to choose DIY cast removal techniques, which went smoothly. I'd expected some surgical scarring and sensitive, icky skin. As the afternoon and evening wore on, though, the pain in my hand went from bad to worse. Concerned that losing a few days of cast wear had been a bad idea, I nervously re-counted the weeks on my calendar ... and then realized that it should be worn six weeks from the date it was originally applied, not from the surgery date. Ugh, it's only been four weeks.

So you're thinking I'll go to the orthopedist Monday morning, shell out another insurance co-pay and then admit to the whole gruesome story, right? Not so fast. After a night to sleep on it, the pain and swelling have subsided. And in the meantime, it's as good an excuse as any to rest my hand and enjoy the weekend.

No more kitten drama!

2009-05-13T09:00:00.011-06:00

Crisis du jour:
Whatever's preying on these kittens at night doesn't intend to stop.

Another sleep-deprived night in which unknown assailants harassed Kitty and her litter of kittens has inspired me to lock the babies up overnight in pet taxis. We are, after all, officially fostering them until they're adopted through a local animal rescue organization, and I feel responsible for their safety. With four cats already in the house (mine plus Lori's three), bringing them indoors isn't an option.

Frankly, I think these kittens need a full night's rest after playing so hard during the day. Now that they've discovered life beyond the back porch, their favorite hangout is an overgrown spirea shrub where they hide and plan surprise attacks on one another. I don't expect a single one of my abused cannas to bloom this summer, and that little wheelbarrow with the flowers "spilling out" of it is a complete disaster.

What a mess!

* Update on the injured kitten:
After studying animal care on the Internet, Sarah has been applying warm compresses to the kitten's wound each night, which opens it up painlessly and allows more pus to drain (lovely!). Since she and the kitten have really bonded, Sarah's named it Madison has decided to keep this one instead of her first choice.
Besides, she learned from the vet that Ella is a little boy. And not just any little boy. After all the growlies over a dead vole that Mama Kitty drug up on the porch, he's evidently the alpha male of the litter. I left him alone until he stopped batting it around and began chewing it up. Sure, the dishes and food and bedding and kennels on the porch are a mess, but I draw the line at bloody guts all over the place.

A meanie in our midst

2009-05-11T21:00:00.016-06:00

Crisis du jour:
An injured kitten

Upon returning home late Sunday, I learned that one of the Siamese-look twins had suffered some injuries the previous night. Sarah found the kitten curled up on the ground Sunday morning, soaking wet with rain and shivering from shock. Since Lori worked at Cat-n-Cow during high school, she shaved the hair from a skin laceration on the kitten's side, then treated it with antiseptic.

Today's visit to the vet revealed a smaller puncture wound parallel to the one that Lori discovered -- an obvious cat or snake bite. After lots of pus was drained from the area, we returned home with an antibiotic.

Happy Mothers Day

2009-05-10T21:00:00.011-06:00

Spending Mothers Day weekend in LA with my parents was even more relaxing and fun than I'd expected it to be. Since Mother's foot is in a cast, Daddy led us on a Saturday driving tour of the area that included all sorts of sights I'd previously only seen in photos. I hollered, "I've seen this before! I know this spot! This is (fill in the blank)!" so much that it must have seemed like I was trying to be the tour guide. We stopped briefly for a closer look at Sheldon Castle, an unusual historic home in Fairhope.

Naturally, I was treated to authentic Gulf Coast seafood at a place frequented by the locals. My parents are evidently so local that they both ordered chicken instead of fish.

That evening, we settled in to watch Smokey and the Bandit on DVD. Oddly enough, Mother and Daddy had never seen it. Hard to believe it was made thirty years ago. And yes, it's still a fun movie.

Looky what I got for Mothers Day

Four colorful varieties,
hand planted with love

She's a keeper

2009-05-01T09:00:00.003-06:00

Our back-porch kittens are currently six weeks old, and they're cute as buttons. Sarah has introduced them to solid food and litter trained them, and plans are in the works to give four of the five away to good homes.

For all her hard work, Sarah's being allowed to keep one favorite. She's chosen a female and named it Ella — perhaps after my Aunt Ella?

The feeling is mutual

2009-04-30T21:00:00.006-06:00

Curious youngsters in separate worlds:

HBW

2009-04-29T09:00:00.019-06:00

bokeh (boke-uh)
A Japanese term for the subjective aesthetic quality of out-of-focus areas of a photographic image

At first glance, bokeh seems like a clever way to avoid distracting attention from a photo's subject, but it's as important to the overall appearance of a picture much like the "empty spaces" in a flower garden enhance the plants it surrounds. I recently discovered that there's even a flickr group dedicated to Happy Bokeh Wednesday.

Exercise with Maggie

2009-04-22T21:00:00.002-06:00

This series of 15-second videos demonstrate Lori's version of the world's strongest redneck:

Curls for toned biceps

Flip ... because it's fun

Small successes

2009-04-20T09:00:00.028-06:00

I don't blame you if you find it foolish of me to brag about this, but this morning marks the first day my bed has been made since breaking my hand three weeks ago. (And yes, of course the linens have been washed, it just hasn't been made up.) Like opening the Sprite bottle, changing my granddaughter's diaper, and carefully shifting gears with my right hand, it's another reminder that I'm gaining mobility and that things will eventually return to normal.

Realizing that this injury is simple compared to so many others that my orthopedic surgeon treats, I've repeated this phrase a gazillion times since breaking my hand:

I complained because I had no shoes,
until I met a man who had no feet.

Those covers didn't stay perfectly in place for long. As soon as Maggie and I were able to get Lori to go run errands, she and I played on the neatly made bed til it was all messed up again.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

See the 15-second video on YouTube

Good as new

2009-04-16T21:00:00.011-06:00

This afternoon's doctor visit revealed that my hand is healing nicely. I came home wearing a cast that will provide better mobility that the clumsy splint I've worn for the past month.

Okay, it's been only two weeks, but it seems more like a month.

Stick to yer ribs

2009-04-11T21:00:00.010-06:00

Hey Grandmaw, what's for supper?

A big pile of meatballs, served over wide egg noodles. They sat so heavy on the belly that no one dared go back for seconds.

Maggie woofed one down in record time:

Spreading their wings

2009-04-03T21:00:00.006-06:00

As I walked past the kitchen picture window this afternoon, I caught sight of a hummingbird looking in at me, the season's first.

I'd already prepared for her arrival last month by filling the feeder and hanging it on the back porch, same spot as last year. Several minutes later, I was relieved to see that she'd discovered it in spite of its sun-faded salmon color.

And within the hour I heard the familiar buzz of the summer's first housefly.

Photo: The Daily Green

Orthopedia.com

2009-04-02T21:00:00.018-06:00

This afternoon's visit with the bone doctor:

X-ray on left:
Slight fracture ... simple cast ... fast recovery.

X-ray on right:
Spoke too soon ... reposition metacarpal ... attach pins ... surgery early next week.

Prior to Tuesday evening's ER visit, I went ahead and asked my husband to cut off the ring that my parents gave me almost thirty years ago. Even without the swelling from my injury, it couldn't have been removed without wire cutters.
I expect to visit a jeweler and have it fixed up good-as-new after my hand is all better.

Don't try this at home

2009-03-31T21:00:00.016-06:00

Crisis du jour:
Another casualty of the tile floor

Accident: Kicked over the cat's bowl
Another accident: Slipped in the spilled water
Mistake: Used a fancy one-handed save maneuver
Diagnosis: Fracture · 3rd metacarpal
Result: 4 - 6 week vacation from blogging

Watch this, maggots!

2009-03-29T09:00:00.012-06:00

Maggie's low crawl demonstration:

It helps to have an important goal to reach. This exercise is in preparation for learning to sneak up on the elusive Mamou Bayou Frog within the year.

From a different angle:

I can taste those tender frog legs already!

When it's chilly out ...

2009-03-28T21:00:00.014-06:00

I'm tolerating the weekend's cold snap by turning to the comforts of wintertime sustenance. After having an afternoon mug of hot cocoa, I used the last of the chili fixin's in the pantry for a stick-to-your-ribs supper.

This dish is slightly more complicated than the other convenience-food meals I've blogged about. I'm particular about enhancing the flavor of everyday ground chuck by adding salt and a little chopped onion while it browns in the pan. After that, most of it's as easy as Mrs. Smith's pie.

After draining the grease off the cooked meat, add a can of chili beans. Although HOT is pictured here, I prefer MILD. I typically use Bush's, but the brand is unimportant.
Tabasco Home Style Chili Starter is a bit chunkier than I like, so I throw it in the blender and run it for 20 seconds or so, then combine it with the other ingredients.
Like Uncle Hugh's Gorilla Beans, I fix this in a cast iron skillet for effect, but any old pot or pan will do.
Oops, there is one obstacle to this dish that I almost forgot: Tabasco has evidently created the toughest jar seal known to womankind. I always end up getting a man to open the thing for me.

Say wut?

2009-03-25T09:00:00.004-06:00

Me:: "So after you and your friend left for her house, I went upstairs to the game room and discovered a plate full of half-eaten hot wings on the floor, along with your empty Mountain D–"

Her (interrupting me):: "But they've only been there since last night!"

She's still my favorite

2009-03-23T09:00:00.004-06:00

To those of you who may have wondered if the attention I've given to newborn kittens and others' pets has left my household cat been feeling neglected ...

Have you lost your mind?

Miss continues to lure me into joining her on the floor several times a day to give her the love that she SO deserves. While she was enjoying my undivided attention this morning, here's what came to mind:

You've become my magnificent obsession

So hows about joinin' my LOVIN' SESSION?

Could you guess?
Song lovin session at 1:42 · complete lyrics

Like a well-trained dog

2009-03-22T09:00:00.008-06:00

From Is she or isn't she? 2/1/2009
Several neighbor mutts stroll through my back yard each day for table scraps. One even has me trained to respond to his bark by showing up at the door with food.
─ CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla

In response to all those reader requests for video footage of the demanding neighborhood dog at my back door —

His barking is evidently intended only to get my attention. Once he sees-me-see-him, Cowboy waits patiently while I fetch a hot dog or leftover piece of meat.

So there you have it!

Spring song

2009-03-21T09:00:00.058-06:00

Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn.
Lewis Grizzard · 1946-1994
From Kathy Sue Loudermilk, I Love You

While taking a few lame landscape photos yesterday afternoon, I was treated to the happy song of a nearby mockingbird. I only wish this 15-second video shared the blooms' sweet aroma.

The hummingbird feeder has already attracted its first visitor of the year (and it's always a yellow jacket). I'm fixinta sit down with my Gardener's Supply Company catalog and begin marking all the new toys I want, starting with the perfect gloves for digging around in the dirt.

Bittersweet reminder ...
My Palm Pilot beeped to notify me of my grandmother's birthday this morning. She passed away at 93 years old last December.

Born blonde

2009-03-20T09:00:00.026-06:00

Q: What goes MEEWWWWW ... mew MEW ... mew MEW ... mew ... MEW MEW ... mew ... mew mew ?

three blondes · one white · one white-with-black

Kitty's really playing to the camera here:

Good mews

2009-03-18T20:30:00.040-06:00

Kitty's been especially restless during her mealtime visits for the last several days. What a blessing that Sarah decided to join her on the back porch this evening -- Kitty began laboring before she could even finish her supper.

She's had two kittens since this photo was taken almost an hour ago. Although Kitty's noticeably thinner already, Sarah thinks she feels about four more.

Last month's related post:
Is she or isn't she?

Updates:

8:10p With two kittens

8:50p Two kittens

9:25p Still only two kittens

9:30p The new mother with her first two kittens

11:30p Kitty's resting and nursing her five newborns after being moved into a large pet taxi.

I'm intrigued by how well things fell into place tonight:

After a pair of neighborhood dogs had shown up to harass Kitty during her supper, she was so hissing-mad that I suggested Sarah come back indoors. She stayed though, and helped Kitty through several hours of difficult labor.
Sarah heard and then saw signs of coyotes in the vicinity, possibly attracted to the smell of fresh meat. I suspect the kittens (and perhaps even Kitty) wouldn't have survived the night if she'd chosen to nest in an unsecured spot and have her kittens alone.
And to top it off, Sarah's on Spring Break, so there's no concerns about getting to bed for an early morning. How great is that?

Bound for the beach

2009-03-15T21:00:00.013-06:00

I really had this conversation
in Walgreens today

Me:: "Don't buy Walgreens-brand sunscreen; it won't work."

Her:: "Good, I don't want it to work."

follow-follow-follow-follow-follow-follow

2009-03-11T09:00:00.073-06:00

I've quickly learned to use Blogger's new follow feature, which enables me to see updates to my favorite blogs each time I sign in. Whenever I add another to the list, I'm taken back to that fateful evening in 1975 when my mother introduced my sister and me to live theater at Playhouse on the Square, and this familiar line goes through my head:

♫ follow-follow-follow-follow-follow-follow-follow ♫
followwwww

Hint: The Fantasticks
Give up? follow-follow-follow this link

And as long as we're there ...
can you stand just 30 more Fantastick seconds?
You can get the Rape Emphatic
You can get the Rape Polite
You can get the Rape With Indians
A very calming sight...

This just in!

2009-03-10T09:00:00.007-06:00

Among this morning's
breaking news headlines

Obama overturns Bush policy on stem cells
Merck buying Schering-Plough in a $41 billion dollar deal
Nation will face higher unemployment
Martha Stewart's puppy dies in kennel blast

I wish I were making this up

2009-03-09T09:00:00.022-06:00

My mother and I were recently discussing where The Onion's creative writers dream up their bizarre storyline ideas. Shortly after I suggested that its content oftentimes mirrors the nonsense that occurs in real-life, this lovely piece of news popped up on my monitor.

Sixteen arrested in fight at nonviolence concert
Silver Spring, MD

One Million Peace Signs on flickr

Human zoom lens

2009-03-08T09:00:00.003-06:00

Ever wonder what the view from a baby swing might look like?

Tailgater

2009-03-05T09:00:00.003-07:00

An image similar to the one below stayed in my rearview mirror all the way down Center Hill last night. Although it was a little spooky, it brought this old favorite to mind:

A gleaming alloy air-car
shoots towards me, two lanes wide.

I was kinda glad they wouldn't pass; it would've spoiled the mood.

Check your answer:
Song air-car at 4:05 · complete lyrics

Land of cotton?

2009-03-01T09:00:00.013-07:00

March came in like a polar bear ...

Ready for her MySpace debut

2009-02-28T09:00:00.044-07:00

You know those take-your-own pictures that kids put on their MySpaces? The confident young ladies to the left make it seem so easy, but the photo below taught me otherwise:

This was supposed to be a charming pose with her Gramma Tea

Judging from these recent snapshots, Maggie's technique has improved rapidly since Christmas:

A Rose by any other name is still a badass

2009-02-26T21:00:00.014-07:00

Recent reviews:
"Modern Drummer of the Year, yall."
"The apple doesnt fall far from the tree."
"He will one day form Eightdust!"

Name that tune

2009-02-23T09:00:00.013-07:00

We're all naked when the day is said and done.
The Offspring

Even with the olden days of AOL and its mildly amusing Guess Song By Lyrics game far behind me, daily events and conversations oftentimes bring to mind a catchy phrase from a favorite song. I can't recall what inspired the lyric printed above to roll through my brain.

For those of you who find it vaguely familiar, I've provided a clue by including the name of the song's artist. And if you're stumped or don't care for guessing games, here's the solution to today's GSBL:

The song's music video (listen for we're all naked at 1:46)
The complete song lyrics

We're all naked ...

Age really is just a number

2009-02-22T17:00:00.025-07:00

Would you believe that this photo was taken on the day this child turned 150?

By comparison, I'm currently 16,691.

Find out your age with the
Days Old Calculator

Cellos!

2009-02-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

The newest item among my YouTube favorites:

Will this be on the final exam?

2009-02-13T09:00:00.019-07:00

Get over the idea that only children should spend their time in study. Be a student so long as you still have something to learn, and this will mean all your life.
Henry L. Doherty · 1870-1939

Our years as a homeschooling family taught me that the opportunity to learn isn't confined to traditional school hours or a classroom full of peers. And with that said, here's your chance to expand your vocabulary.

paraskevidekatriaphobia

A morbid, irrational fear
of Friday the 13th

Razzberry

2009-02-09T09:00:00.002-07:00

This particular new skill has been learned by following her daddy's example:

.50 Cal Gal

2009-02-06T09:00:00.009-07:00

Three years late ...

Recently discovered these charming photos from Korea:

I Heart Pureed Carrots

2009-02-02T09:00:00.001-07:00

Look who's learning to feed herself!

Is she or isn't she?

2009-02-01T20:00:00.024-07:00

Crisis du Jour:
Another mouth to feed — and this one might be pregnant.

Although I live in a peacefully dog-less household, this doesn't mean I've ever thought I need one around to eat leftovers ... because I do. Several neighbor mutts stroll through my back yard each day for table scraps. One even has me trained to respond to his bark by showing up at the door with food. Although their frequent visits discourage stray cats in the area, one wild female has hung around for at least six months and has grown increasingly dependent on me for healthy meals. You could say she's got me even better trained than the dogs do.

Kitty's appetite has become so difficult to satisfy this winter that I've begun to suspect she's eating for a litter of kittens in her belly.

I'd like that even less than some of the other unwelcome varmints that are attracted to Friskies Gourmet Salmon Dinner:

My granddaughter the puppy dog

2009-01-26T17:00:00.010-07:00

Realizing that her six-month-old might not respond to a spoken command, Maggie's mother suggested a different method. (In other words, this certainly wasn't my idea!)

Our little Rossini fan

2009-01-24T09:00:00.002-07:00

Miss Happy Pants does her Happy Dance!

If you enjoyed Maggie's 15-second dance, here's a lovely way to spend six minutes or so on YouTube:

Rossini - William Tell Overture (Part 2)
Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra
Listen closely at 2:43 to see why the director grins.
The umbrellas at 3:25 are a nice touch too.

When it's not just a cold

2009-01-23T02:00:00.001-07:00

Crisis du Jour:
That hot-hot feeling burning inside the bridge of my nose up through my eyeballs means only one thing: My annual sinus infection.

Although these take longer to recover from with each passing year, I still avoid running for a quickie shot of penicillin in the hopes that my body will remember its pattern of defending itself against infectious disease ... and because I hate going to the doctor's office anyway. There's just something mildly humiliating about verifying whether the goo coming from my nasal cavity is clear, yellowish, or deep green in color.

So while my white blood cells are doing their thing, I follow several useful habits developed from my years of experience:

Treat symptoms with various OTC medications, including Advil Cold & Sinus, Nyquil/Dayquil, Mucinex.
At least one hot steamy shower per day.
Stock up on a half-dozen or so Puff's Plus® with lotion -- no other brand, no other type of Puffs. I can typically work my way through the first Family Size box quickly, and then begin following the convenient clean-to-dirty pattern illustrated below:

Child prodigy

2009-01-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Musically gifted ...

Bouncing baby girl

2008-12-24T21:00:00.020-07:00

It was a mere six months ago when Maggie occupied this little spot in the middle of her bouncer.

Cute little thing, wasn't she?

These days, she's learned rock and roll with it! (And is cuter than ever.)

Good gimmick

2008-11-06T21:00:00.008-07:00

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
Stephen Leacock · 1869-1944

In 1989, my 5-year-old daughter fell for those alluring commercials for Go-Go My Walkin' Pup. Set to happy music, they featured a smiling girl dance-walking down the sidewalk with her charming toy dog, while onlookers admired the pair.

Of course, Lori wanted one of those dogs ... and of course I foolishly shelled out forty bucks for one.

Lori quickly discovered that her new Go-Go Pup wasn't nearly as fun as the commercials made it seem. Fortunately, she and I learned an important lesson:

· Advertising is intended to deceive the consumer ·

To this day, I still respect the creativity of clever marketing. Although I think Apple's newest iPhone app is ho-hum, I was impressed with the various sensory elements of its one-minute promotional video, which make it seem as fun as the Go-Go Pup did to my little girl.

Slick merchandising:

By playing the best rock song of all time, it reaches teens to Baby Boomers.
The models' various ethnic origins, and even the patterned rug, suggest Ocarina's worldwide appeal.
Any idiot can play this thing, from a plain Jane or average Joe to a hash-pipe smoking hippie.
Never be lonely again! From the looks of this cozy group, the Smule Ocarina evidently encourages camaraderie and friendship ... right?

I say pecan, you say pee-can

2008-10-28T09:00:00.005-06:00

For man, autumn is a time of harvest, of gathering together.
For nature, it is a time of sowing, of scattering abroad.
Edwin Way Teale · 1899-1980

Old-fashioned ingenuity:
Thanks to several pecan trees in my yard, I had the honor of inheriting my granddad's pecan picker upper. Although there's fancier and costlier gizmos on the market, I suspect this timeless design is still sold in county co-ops across Mississippi.

Granddad's bountiful pecan harvests were a testament to this tool's usefulness. With his pecan picker upper in hand, he barely stopped long enough to pose for this photo before heading back out to gather more nuts:

C B Smith · circa 1988

Newfangled improvement:
Metal coffee cans were useful enough, but their heyday is over. Plastic containers like this one have a number of benefits to make the switch painless:

Sturdier lids
Lighter weight
Doesn't rust
Easy-grip handle for toteability

All of which makes them (you knew this was coming)
the perfect pee can.

Uncle Hugh's Gorilla Beans

2008-10-24T21:00:00.002-06:00

The Gorilla Beans motto:
It's gonna be a long night.

Whenever I receive word that Hugh's paying a visit, I check the pantry for ingredients to fix one of his favorite foods. Hugh likes this side dish so well that he even dreamed up its special name: Gorilla Beans

A new family recipe that's
sure to be handed down for generations

This makes enough to feed a half-dozen or more hungry mouths, but seconds are allowed only for those who don't share a bedroom.

Special touches:

Slow warming in a cast iron skillet adds authenticity and gives dinner guests the impression that you've "cooked something" for them.
Combine the two bean varieties with painstaking care, as demonstrated below.

Move over, Emeril!

Pore little thing

2008-10-19T09:00:00.000-06:00

Crisis du Jour:
I was just trying to put the cat out!
But when I cracked the front door open a few inches, a critter flew inside. One that's bigger, faster and lots more frantic than a June bug.

Although I've admired this wren (or one like it) around the yard since last Spring, both the bird and I wanted it to return to the great outdoors.

Since timing was bad for a portrait,
this image is courtesy of Hilton Pond Center

The good news:
After the wren flew itself half to death, it sat on the floor and awaited its fate, where I captured it using my proven catch-and-release method. This worked on a lizard that I discovered indoors last summer, and also for my mother when she removed a varmint from her home last month:

Corral the animal under a plastic bowl.
Slowly and carefully to avoid injury, slide one of those thin flexible cutting mats underneath it.
Then slide a sturdy surface (like a large cutting board) under the flimsy mat.
Carry the corraled animal back outdoors where it belongs and set it free!

The bad news:
As I sat here composing the happy ending to this story, there was a loud KATHUNK from the patio. I glanced up to see a big ole bird of prey (either hawk or owl) sitting amongst the crabapples. It promptly took off for the woods, probably with the exhausted wren in its clutches.

As my little friend was being torn apart, I stepped out back and noticed a tiny cup of water I'd kept in its favorite container plant since July. Nature can be so cruel.

On a lighter note ...
As for the cat, it's the most fun she's had all month. Come to think of it, it's also the best physical exercise either of us has had since the last unwanted creature got in the house.

Again?

2008-10-11T09:00:00.010-06:00

Crisis du Jour:
Another swarm of June bugs ... in October!

This current deluge isn't just annoying like its predecessors; it's downright dangerous. I didn't dare let the cat out for fear she'd be pummeled half to death. Some wise guy has swapped out one of the standard bulbs in the Bug Killer Fan with a black light, and I can't help but wonder if it's to blame for attracting these critters.

I realize that among the twigs and toad poop, it looks as though this speedy guy was the only survivor, but this new variety's hardy and he had plenty of company:

Maybe they're migrating south for the winter? (That's just my way of hoping they were here for only an overnight stay.)

In the spotlight

2008-10-05T21:00:00.003-06:00

There's a new celebrity in the family ...
and it's my Daddy!

The lengthy story that appeared in Weeks Bay Reserve's recent Pelican Post newsletter was way too long to fit here, so I've omitted much of the bio, along with telltale identifying information (to discourage paparazzi and creepy weirdos from hunting him down). What's left are its most important points:

They're delighted he's arrived.
They've realized how fortunate they are to have him as part of the Weeks Bay Reserve team.
He's a treasured volunteer!
And I couldn't bear to remove that handsome mugshot.

Still too small to read? Click the image to enlarge

Shiver me timbers

2008-09-19T09:00:00.002-06:00

Ahoy mateys, it's finally here!

Founded in the 20th century by humorist Dave Barry, TLAPD has become as infamous as its creator. For how-to's, phrases, and even a handy Pirate Translator, visit the link below:

Old Salty Dog
Talk Like A Pirate Day

Mirror, Mirror ...

2008-09-13T09:00:00.011-06:00

Somebody's discovering her natural beauty:

If you looked like this, wouldn't you
wanna stare at your reflection too?

My granddaughter the genius

2008-09-07T12:00:00.006-06:00

You gotta see this amazing video!

Sonic's newest menu item

2008-08-30T13:00:00.017-06:00

Huh?
While waiting to turn in to Sonic for a quick lunch, my eyes must have been playing tricks on me:

But no, they weren't ...

By the time I reached this point, I'd lost my appetite

Lessons learned

2008-08-28T21:00:00.006-06:00

Crisis du Jour:
Poorly-stored Christmas treasures at the hands of an unwelcome guest in my attic

This ornamental elfin caricature of my daddy, complete with cute schnoz and name emblazoned on his pure heart*, has been the perfect touch to my parents' household each Christmas. I recently had to break the sad news that a hungry critter's ate it half up:

*Old family joke

In the hopes that others will learn from this mistake ...

My lesson:
Rubbermaid storage containers are worth the small investment.

My parents' lesson:
Anything put away for temporary safekeeping ... shouldn't be left at Carla's!

MaggieMaggieMaggieMaggie

2008-08-27T09:00:00.001-06:00

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first.
Lois Wyse · 1926-2007

A morning nap in Gramma Tea's arms

She's got the moves! And more fun to watch than Dancing with the Stars:

Pollenation and procreation

2008-08-26T21:00:00.004-06:00

Today's inspiration:
Daddy's recent
Alabama butterfly snapshot

My generous sister-in-law Pat, who brought a hardy Shasta Daisy from her Texas flower garden last Spring, deserves some of the credit for attracting this Pearl Crescent butterfly to mine.

Although its caught-on-tape behavior could be to attract a female, this territorial little butterfly is probably marking my back yard's only aster-family plant as his:

Homegrown goodness

2008-08-24T21:00:00.003-06:00

Green fingers are the extension of a verdant heart.
Russell Page · 1906-1985

Besides a no-show peanut sprout prior to entering Kindergarten, this summer heralded my first attempt at growing something more nourishing than a flower garden. I confidently invested about twenty-five bucks in two tomato seedlings and supplies, including a newfangled upside-down tomato planter, then doomed the first plant to failure by placing it in a spot with limited sun exposure. Learning from my mistake, I cultivated the second plant in full sun, where it grew tall and sturdy. A week or so after being blown down by a summer storm, I harvested its only tomato:

After sitting on the kitchen counter for eight days, my tomato ripened to an impressive deep red. Although it looked ready for eating, I was still apprehensive about doing a taste test. What if my tomato was bitter? Or sour? Or full of salmonella? Or harboring a microscopic parasite that will turn my internal organs to mush?

Finally, my curiosity got the better of me, and I sliced it open to reveal its perfect deep red meat. And it tasted as good as it looked.

No wonder this variety is named Beefmaster
(unretouched photo ... I promise!)

80+ MPG

2008-08-18T09:00:00.025-06:00

First trip out:

First trip back home:

Success!

Sentimental sandwich

2008-08-14T21:00:00.018-06:00

The sense of smell, almost more than any other, has the power to recall memories.
Rachel Carson · 1907-1964

After scouring the pantry to avoid grocery shopping, I ended up fixing a tuna sandwich for today's lunch. Its not-so-sweet aroma brought back pleasant memories of the Sunday suppers of my childhood. My mother's recent trip down memory lane has inspired me to share it with my dedicated readers:

LIVING... MAEDEANS STYLE
A Special Sentimental Letter

Mae Dean's Sunday Night Tuna Sandwiches
· one can of the best tuna you can afford
· one hard-boiled egg, peeled and smashed into bits
· a dollop of Kraft Real Mayonnaise
· toasted white bread (wheat will suffice)
· You can include yucky pickles if you like that sort of thing.

Slicing the sandwich in half diagonally is recommended, since this makes it taste even better:

This really hits the spot, particularly with a great big glass of skim milk. I regret that I haven't carried on my mother's tradition with my own kids.

Souper easy

2008-07-28T21:00:00.001-06:00

Note:
If preparing Campbell's soup is beneath you, skipping this post is recommended.

Despite my four-month career in cookbook publishing, I'm still known in this household as The Convenience Food Queen, and live up to the title. I recently dreamed up a Campbell's Combo that's similar to O'Charley's Stuffed Potato Soup ... maybe even better, since diners can't count on O'Charley's being the same from day to day.

My version calls for two cans of Chunky Baked Potato with Cheddar and Bacon Bits to one can condensed Cheddar Cheese. The result is kinda thick, so add milk to taste. The secret to combining the soups is revealed in my first-ever cooking demonstration video:

Move over, Rachael Ray!

I typically cook a few strips of bacon til crispy in the microwave to get the kitchen smelling like I've "cooked something", then diners can crumble a little into their bowls. Since the Chunky soup is so bacon-flavored, this is more for crunch than taste.

Make enough for everyone to have seconds ... which they'll immediately regret, since this stuff sets heavy on the belly.

Redneck entertainment at its finest

2008-07-09T21:00:00.005-06:00

A new twist on the current June bug genocide:: Finishing off injured beetles by running over them with a Micro-Mini Ford truck. (I prefer to think of it as putting them out of their misery.)

If only I owned a digital camera that allowed more than 15 seconds of video footage, this could be worthy of CMT's Country Fried Home Videos:

Watch an action demo:
During this short BKF film clip, at least two insects are swatted by this innovative device. That comes to over 200 kills per hour — an admirable record.

Someone tell them it's July

2008-07-08T09:00:00.119-06:00

Crisis du Jour:
The heaviest onslaught of June bugs this household's ever seen

Thanks to the one-of-a-kind, custom made Bug Killer Fan installed over my front porch, I awoke this morning to a collection of several hundred dead and dying June bugs lying underneath it. I hope the extra sweeping chore is rewarded by stepping outdoors after dark tonight without being pelted by a swarm of the icky critters.

All this from a six-foot-square area

Bad news / Good news:

June bugs taste bad: Even toads that try to eat them end up spitting them right back out.
Poor marketability: Although one website suggested roasting and grinding them into a medicinal bug soup, I suspect Carla's Organic June Bug Farm would be more trouble than it's worth due to high employee turnover.
The good news: Now I know what all those disgusting worms are that I keep digging up when I weed the flowerbeds.
More good news: There's no patent on the bug-killing gizmo, so feel free to copycat this design. And who knows, it might even end up being the best-selling As Seen On TV product of all time.

Complete with smeared guts and imbedded insect carcasses
Click on the image for an action demo

Hint: The secret of the BKF lies in its bug-attracting lights (standard bulbs) and its two-dozen-per-blade swatters. For maximum kills, set to High.

My cat snores

2008-07-07T12:00:00.026-06:00

And she's evidently having a dream.

She doesn't snore all that loudly, so I recommend turning the volume way up for this:

Before you ask:: No, she's not pregnant, she's just fat.